4th March 2006,
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
